Need sex. Gaining weight.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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