Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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