I can't watch pbs sober anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
