It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sext me about skeletons
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
