Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
