Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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