Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
