I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
