That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
