he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
