please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
