He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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