It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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