she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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