Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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