you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
