I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
