it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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