I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
