You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
