got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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