WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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