I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
