I cockslap morals
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
