She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
