In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
