You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
