His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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