my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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