So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
