if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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