that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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