what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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