Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
