her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
