It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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