like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
