All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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