I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
