This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
