i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
