Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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