What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
