he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
