I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
