Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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