You smell like stripper and shame
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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