I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
