Sacagawea was the original milf.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
