On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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