You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
