Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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