you have to choose: penises or morals?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
