oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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