she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
